If I knew then, what I know now...

Hahahaha, whoops. It's March and this post is from DECEMBER. Oy.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my beautiful, crazy, funny, amazing, sassy little girl. She is my inspiration for this post (and pretty much everything else in my life.)

Oh. My. God. Hindsight is a crazy thing, is it not!? There have been so many times this year where I look back and think... how am I still alive? More interestingly... how is my kid still alive? I will share with you some of the things that I know now that I wish I had known then. Please feel free to share with me some of the things you wish you had known while you were "in the moment."

1. Babies are like honey badgers. They don't give a fuck. About anything. Ever. (Extra crazy points if you have a girl.)

2. Babies are completely irrational human beings. They only get more irrational and crazy as they get older. My child lost it today because I wouldn't let her eat some yummy looking plaster. The other day she threw a huuuuuge tantrum because I wouldn't let her fall off of the couch. Good lord.

3. When you are pregnant and can't sleep... do it anyway. Sleep every second you can. Don't complain about it. JUST DO IT. Even though we have an amazing sleeper, I haven't properly slept in a year. I wake up every time she takes a little too long to take a breath. I wake up every time she rolls over. I wake up for every cough, sneeze, sigh or sleepy moan. I wake up sometimes because she has been sleeping for too long. I had gotten this advice myself, as a pregnant person and I didn't take it seriously. I stayed up too late and didn't take enough naps. Sometimes, I wish I could go back in time to slap my silly self.
* Btw, if that last bit wasn't depressing enough... I have heard that you will never sleep well AGAIN. EVER. Because you will always worry about your children and their wellbeing. Sweet, but effing depressing.

4.You have NEVER loved another human being the way you will love your child. No arguments. You will love them so much it will feel like your heart is going to explode. Like, you can't breathe. Like, life can't go on. That's how much you love them.

5. Errands suck. So, enjoy leisurely grocery shopping and browsing at the mall while you can.

6. DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF SNACKS.

7. People will try to influence you and the way you parent. Some of the things they say are helpful (Like the advice about sleeping!). Most of the things they say are complete horse shit. DON'T LISTEN TO PEOPLE. Trust your gut and be intuitive to what your child needs.

8. Don't start a blog if you have a small child and no time. Haha, I started this particular post in December and I'm just NOW going to update it...... it's March. My bad. Maybe someday I will get it together..... maybe.