A baby boy

He is here! Did you even know he was coming? I've been horrendously terrible about writing. So, I'm here now to announce.... He's here!

I'm so in love.

Before he was born everyone would tell me horror stories about how difficult it is to have two kids. My life was over. If it wasn't over when I had one, well... It was going to be over now. I mean, what in the world was I thinking having TWO KIDS UNDER TWO. I have had strangers question me, people apologize to me and friends and family wince as I explained their spacing. But you know what?

I AM STILL ALIVE! It's two and a half months later... And we are all still kicking.
So. In summary; it isn't that bad. It's actually not bad at all. 

You want to talk about bad. Let's discuss this little ball of anger I like to call, a toddler. Good God. I mean, I knew I had it coming. My parents have given me a hard time my entire life about being a "strong willed child." Which, is just their way of saying that I was an asshole. Now I have a tiny baby jerk of my own. Awww. 

But, seriously. Toddlers, man. They are so weird. Bipolar and all sorts of crazy. One minute she will be screaming at me about filling up her sippy with water (that she asked for) and the next she'll be holding my face while she kisses it all over. I just can't keep up. 18 months going on 18 years. 

On a side note. If teenaged girls are anything like tiny toddler girls....

I'm out.

Mama's taking a little visit to Crazy Town

Well. I am feeling a little nuts today, so I thought I would write a blog post. What better free therapy could there be??? (Other than exercising but, let's be real.... that's not going to happen.) 

E of course, had a great night. Thank goodness she is a fabulous sleeper. We also had a super fun morning! We ate left over chocolate chip pancakes and went to play at a friend's house. The girls are the same age and it is precious to see them learning and playing together! It's the best! 

But... I guess that is what is bothering me. I have SO little time left being a mommy of one. We had a wonderful morning. What if the baby coming takes away those mornings?

I know it's irrational, but I think I am grieving a little bit. I've built my identity around being E's mommy. Now I am going to be a "mommy of two." Yikes. It's scary. I am not afraid of the labor, bringing home the baby, taking care of the newborn or having two kids. I am TERRIFIED that she won't look at me the same way. I am afraid that I will let her down. I am afraid that I won't be able to keep taking her to play dates or have time to make her yummy breakfast. 

What if she stops looking at me like I am her favorite thing in the world?

That's what I'm afraid of.

I'm hoping that it's just nerves and hormones that are making me have all of these fears. I just love that little girl so much, I don't want to be the one to break her sensitive little heart. 

I know that people say, "siblings are a good thing" and "it will teach her to be patient" and well... that's great... and I know that (that's why we are having another.) But, deep down inside I'm secretly terrified about what else having a sibling will do. To me and to her. 

Someone please tell me that I'm not crazy. Someone please tell me that it will all be okay.

I feel so guilty for having these feelings, because I am so excited to meet O. I can't wait to kiss his little face and squish his chubby cheeks. It's nothing against him. I feel so blessed to be able to even have two children. There was a time (not so long ago) that we weren't sure that one child was even going to be in the cards for us. He has been wanted and is wanted. 

I'm sure that when we bring him home the transition will be so seamless that we won't even notice it happening in our sleep deprived state. (This is me pep talking myself, haha.) I'm sure that E will be a wonderful big sister and we will become a happy family of 4. Right?....Right!?

On another note:

I know that in the past I have complained about people telling me their horrible labor stories or how hard and life altering it was to bring home their baby. But, this time I'm asking... please lay off the stories about how bringing home the second child was "so much harder than the first" and how affected my older daughter will be. It's freaking me out.

OH. And stop judging me because my kids will be 18 months apart. We are SO lucky to have them both. They are both alive and healthy. We are very happy with the spacing of our children. THIS IS WHAT WE PLANNED AND WHAT WE WANTED. If random strangers could stop giving me shit about it. I would love that, lol.

Happiness

Today I go in for my second GD test for this pregnancy. Not because I am particularly at risk, but because I have risk factors.

And I'm letting it ruin my day.

What the hell. Really? Why would I let a little blood test ruin my day? I need to turn my attitude around and get my priorities straight.

Things that make me happy today:
1. I have a beautiful, healthy family.
2. My house is messy. I am thankful for my messy house because it means that I spend more time with my daughter than I do cleaning up my house. She is the better investment.
3. The weather. It is going to be in the high 60's and sunny today. In March. Ah-mazing.
4. My baby bump. I am thankful to have it because it means that I have been lucky enough to carry two little miracles.
5. The color purple. I put on a new purple shirt this morning, for the first time.... and I have to say, it looks damn good.
6. The birds chirping outside. They remind me that spring is here and beach weather is right around the corner!
7. My husband who is kind enough to sit all day every day at work so that Evie and I can stay at home together.
8. Chocolate.
9. My wedding rings. I STILL HAVE THEM ON! This is a huge accomplishment for me, considering I am almost 28 weeks pregnant and have had issues with swelling in the past. Woo hoo! (Not to mention, they are gorgeous. But, I'm a little biased. Haha.)
10. My perfume. I found perfume that I thought I had lost, and I am wearing it today. Every time I get a whiff, I smile because iiiitttt''sssss mmmmyyyy ffaaavvvooorrriiittte!

There. 

What are you happy about today? 

“Folks are usually about as happy as they make their minds up to be.” 
― Abraham Lincoln

If I knew then, what I know now...

Hahahaha, whoops. It's March and this post is from DECEMBER. Oy.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my beautiful, crazy, funny, amazing, sassy little girl. She is my inspiration for this post (and pretty much everything else in my life.)

Oh. My. God. Hindsight is a crazy thing, is it not!? There have been so many times this year where I look back and think... how am I still alive? More interestingly... how is my kid still alive? I will share with you some of the things that I know now that I wish I had known then. Please feel free to share with me some of the things you wish you had known while you were "in the moment."

1. Babies are like honey badgers. They don't give a fuck. About anything. Ever. (Extra crazy points if you have a girl.)

2. Babies are completely irrational human beings. They only get more irrational and crazy as they get older. My child lost it today because I wouldn't let her eat some yummy looking plaster. The other day she threw a huuuuuge tantrum because I wouldn't let her fall off of the couch. Good lord.

3. When you are pregnant and can't sleep... do it anyway. Sleep every second you can. Don't complain about it. JUST DO IT. Even though we have an amazing sleeper, I haven't properly slept in a year. I wake up every time she takes a little too long to take a breath. I wake up every time she rolls over. I wake up for every cough, sneeze, sigh or sleepy moan. I wake up sometimes because she has been sleeping for too long. I had gotten this advice myself, as a pregnant person and I didn't take it seriously. I stayed up too late and didn't take enough naps. Sometimes, I wish I could go back in time to slap my silly self.
* Btw, if that last bit wasn't depressing enough... I have heard that you will never sleep well AGAIN. EVER. Because you will always worry about your children and their wellbeing. Sweet, but effing depressing.

4.You have NEVER loved another human being the way you will love your child. No arguments. You will love them so much it will feel like your heart is going to explode. Like, you can't breathe. Like, life can't go on. That's how much you love them.

5. Errands suck. So, enjoy leisurely grocery shopping and browsing at the mall while you can.

6. DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF SNACKS.

7. People will try to influence you and the way you parent. Some of the things they say are helpful (Like the advice about sleeping!). Most of the things they say are complete horse shit. DON'T LISTEN TO PEOPLE. Trust your gut and be intuitive to what your child needs.

8. Don't start a blog if you have a small child and no time. Haha, I started this particular post in December and I'm just NOW going to update it...... it's March. My bad. Maybe someday I will get it together..... maybe.

Return!

Well, ladies and gentlemen. I AM BACK! 
It's been almost an entire year. Did you miss me?
*** If you didn't.... you wouldn't be reading this. Right!?

So, what has happened in the last year. Oh, where do I begin.....

I'll make a list. (I freaking love lists.)

1. I had a baby! Hooray!
My beautiful bouncing baby girl was born in December. She is perfect, by the way. Duh! She is a blonde haired, blue eyed adorable bunch of sass. She is getting soooo big! We are coming up on her first birthday way too quickly :( Waaaaaah! Mama wants her to stay little forever! Well, maybe not forever, forever. But, if time could slow down a tiny little bit, I would appreciate it.....

2. I started babysitting out of my home. Even though it was short lived, it was well worth it. Evie and I both benefited immensely from the experience. Plus, it showed me that I CAN still be active and social while toting around two children. Go me!

3. Made some friends, lost some friends. You know how that goes. As the world turns, is the saying... I think. Pretty sure. Anyway, another good learning experience. Once you have another human being to worry about, it becomes less about the appearances and more about the real-ness. Does that makes sense? If not, you may want to use the urban dictionary to look up the word twunt. Then check to see if your picture is there. Good luck to you on your journey. 

Now, don't get your panties in a bunch. I was kidding. It's all for the blog. Do you people think anyone would read this if I wasn't an ass? Naaaah. Plus, I didn't actually upload a picture to urban dictionary. Even though that would be awesome.

4. Found an amazing play group. I love all of the moms and kids at play group. How is that even possible!? I don't generally like people, yet all of these moms rock. They are the most supportive and inspiring group of people I've ever met. Awesome.

5. (This is probably the one you have been waiting for.)

My husband got a new job and  WE MOVED TO A NEW STATE! Whew. Talk about stressful. In order to do so, hub had to quit his old job. Gulp. Having a jobless husband is nerve wracking. Then we had to finish, oh, about 1 million house projects that had been put on hold when the baby was born. Whoops. That's "our bad". Then, we had to pack up our entire lives and leave them in Ohio while we moved to NC. So, needless to say. I now know how it feels to be a vagrant. We literally had nothing except a blow up mattress, a pack and play and some crap I bought at the dollar store. I am SO glad we are past that point and all of our crap is now in NC. (Even though it is now taking up our entire living room and is stacked from floor to ceiling...)

6. We are buying a house! Woo hoo! I can't even explain how happy I am to be living in a stable environment soon! Hooray for stability! The house is a fixer upper, but once again, a great investment. Friends and family. Come visit! We live in a beautiful city, with great resources. Not to mention we are pretty darn close to the beach AAANNNDD a ton of outlets (Christmas shopping, anyone?).

So, there it is. A summary of our 2014. I can't even explain how much I am SO looking forward to 2015. Even though 2014 brought about a lot of positive changes, they are more long term. So, the NOW pretty much sucked all year. It makes me sad, because 2014 was really the year that my baby girl grew up (even though she was born last year.). Which means, this year should have been awesome! But, as you know... being a grown up blows. It does. There is no way around it. It's hard and I hate it. Uuuugghhhh. Why didn't anyone tell me when I was 5 that THOSE were the glory years!? WHY!? Enjoy it while you can, kids.

When you hit a rough patch. There is no where to go, but forward. Thanks, Disney, for the perfectly quotable quote for this situation.

See ya next time, fishes. Hopefully it won't take me another year to crank out one of these bad boys...

Long Lost Blogger...Lazy Post

I apologize, online world, for my absence. I have been immersed in a world filled with diapers, nipple cream and the unknown. My hubby and I have been suuuuper busy preparing for the arrival of our baby girl. While that may not seem like a full time job.... it is. We have painted her room (several times), purchased and painted her furniture, assembled furniture, made artwork for her walls and have been shopping several times for essential baby items. Whew! Not to mention, I am pretty darn pregnant (8 months)
and often swollen to the point where I feel like I am a giant not-so-cute water balloon.

I came across this little gem today while scrolling around on social media... Thank you, MSN.com
.http://now.msn.com/pennsylvania-touching-pregnant-bellies-illegal
While I don't have an issue with people touching my belly, I got a good laugh out of it. I mean, it is a serious problem, but it makes me laugh that people have such troubles keeping their hands to themselves. I can honestly say, I have NEVER wanted to touch a stranger, or have actually purposely touched a stranger... or rubbed a stranger's belly. It's so weird. 

Oh, and I have been busy making apple everything. Hubby and I went to the apple orchard on Sweetest Day and I now have an entire bushel of apples. Just in case you were wondering...homemade applesauce IS actually everything you have ever dreamed of.

P.S. Don't be a d*$#. Don't forget to hand out candy on Trick or Treat night! 

Motto of the moment: Can't reach it; don't need it.

WOW! I have been slacking. You would think that with all of this time at home I would have time to type a little on the computer... but no. You would be surprised how the time gets away from you when you step up into the "Expert time waster" category.

Let's recap the time that I have spent away...
1. My hubby and I painted the nursery.
2. My hubby and I started and are currently painting the dressers for the nursery.
3. My hubby and I went to Boston.
4. I am now officially in the third trimester.
5. We got to see our baby girl in a 3d/4d ultrasound!
6. My hubby graduated with his B.S!!!
7. I am super excited about the planning of my baby showers!

So many amazing things are happening in our lives right now. It's nice sometimes to see these things in a list form because it really makes you realize how many things you have to be thankful for. 

You know, I know that sometimes I make it seem as if my life is perfect (reality check). This has really stuck with me. Not in a good way, not in a bad way. Just in a... think about it kind of way. Some days this makes me feel extremely happy and reminds me to feel thankful, because obviously I have a lot to be thankful for. Some days this makes me sad, because I feel like people think that I do not have my own personal struggles. No one has a perfect life, no one has perfect relationships and no one should have to live up to that standard, self imposed or not. Let me tell you a little bit about why my life is NOT perfect...

1. I got a cold. Now, you might this this is silly. But, when you are pregnant... being sick is the worst possible f$#@ing thing on the planet. I turned into a whiny, emotional, irritable pile of useless. I honestly don't know how my husband made it through. What a brave, brave man. I think that being sick while you are pregnant shouldn't be allowed. I mean, your body is already so busy, it's not fair to hand it another work load on top of growing a human. Seriously. I don't know how people who are sick, sick while pregnant do it. (Claps hands) Good for you!.... not meant sarcastically.

2. Pregnancy is not always cute. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE being pregnant. It is my favorite thing in the whole wide world ( I think I have infertility to thank for that ). But, the sad truth is, that it isn't always pretty. You want to talk about how my face has decided that dark spots are cool? Or about how I can't reach my legs to shave them? Or how I PEED WHEN I SNEEZED the other day. Dear God. I had forgotten about the snissing. How could I forget. That has been my favorite dislikable pregnancy symptom so far. Why? Because it is so damn funny. Who doesn't laugh when someone sneezes and pees? If you don't, you have no soul.

3. I am freaking out. I am losing my mind about packing a hospital bag. Like, bat shit crazy. I have been stressing out about which kaftan is going to make me look less fat after I give birth, which face wipes will be more calming and which snacks will stop me from becoming the hulk at 3am. Do YOU know why I am freaking out? Do you? Because, I finally figured it out the other day. It is not the packing, it is not the outfit or the wipes, or the snacks. It is the fact that when I go into the hospital I will be leaving with a baby. Cold hard fact. That is the day my life officially changes forever. This girl, who loves to be prepared for EVERYTHING, cannot prepare for that. I cannot possibly prepare myself for the love I am going to feel for this little girl. I cannot prepare for the fear I am going to feel when I put her in the car to bring her home. I cannot prepare for the emotional rollercoaster I will be riding on through the whole experience. How terrifying is that!?

I think I am going to stop at three. I don't think that this blog should always be about negative things. I think that those things are enough of a peek into real life. Now, you can go back to thinking I wear my rose colored sunglasses at night. (Do you like what I did there?)

One more thing... I ordered my diaper bag off of Zappos the other night.... AND I'M REALLY REALLY REALLY FREAKING EXCITED for it to get here. Really.